Starting Over

I see this new job as a chance to start over. I’m finally getting to do a job that I really want to do and am really excited about and I’m seeing this as the new start that I thought I’d get when I went to uni.

Tonight I sent a text that was one of the hardest texts I’ve ever had to send. I want to leave all the shit that has happened in this town here, I don’t want to take it with me. So I text my “best friend” who hasn’t spoken to me in months telling her that she’s selfish and treated me like crap and I’ve come to realise how I deserve to be treated. I still love her, I always will, we were sisters for over 6 years but she chose a guy who she’d just met over me and that was her choice. I’m done being a door mat and being walked all over, I’ve finally learned to stand up for myself.

Since leaving school I’ve slowly lost contact with all my class mates, I always dreamed about a school reunion and I now think that if we held one tomorrow I would speak to about 2 people. I would quite happily never see any of them again in my life, they made my life hell and I wish I’d been more open to my parents about the time about how much I hated it. Looking back on how ill I was at school it is possible that it was anxiety that made me ill so often, but I’ll never know for sure. Moving away from this small down significantly decreases my chances of bumping into an ex classmate and having to have an awkward conversation with them.

Having said all that I do have a few good friends who live in the area and I really hope that I don’t lose contact with them. They’re the type of friends that I don’t speak to all the time and rarely see due to our schedules always clashing, but I know that they’re there if I need them. And I doubt living further away will negatively impact on this, in fact we’ll probably become closer.

All I hope is that when I move I manage to build up an even stronger support group around me who can help me through my day to day struggles.

 

Helen x

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